I feel like a total asshole right now.
My best friend just got back together with her boyfriend after they’d been broken up for about a month. It’s great because they’re super cute together and they love each other sososososososo much, and they’re, like, the fucking definition of true love and it’s amazing.
But then I look at my life and I realize that all of my relationships have been jokes. I’ve been used and abused and taken advantage of because I have so much love for other people that I give them the benefit of the doubt every time. I realize that I’ll always be alone, no matter what I do. I realize that I’m never going to find someone who loves me the way I love them.
And I feel like a huge jerk because I’m upset that my friend and her boyfriend got back together…because I’m jealous of them and what they have. And I know I’ll never have anything like that ever. Not one person has ever loved me. I’ve never felt that. And I was kind of glad when they broke up because I want people to feel the way I feel every day knowing that there’s no one who loves me.
And I feel like shit because I’m a terrible fucking person.
I’m awful because I want to drag people down to my level, even my best friend. Because I wasn’t upset when she had lost the person she cared about the most, and because I am now that she has him back.
God, I hate myself